Tachanun
When I remember You
it’s clear You weren’t hiding,
nor was light in a mirror.
When I remember You,
You’re close.
Closer than my words are to my lips.
Closer than my clothes are to my skin.
When I remember You
You’re always here, already with me,
I never have to call You
even though Your names are on my tongue,
even though I want to give a purpose
to all these tears.
Because I forget to remember.
When I remember You
my life is still full of mistakes
but no one taunts me,
but here I forget to remember.
When I am here and You are there,
I start to carry around
out of habit
the stones on the banks of my life.
I try to build the dam
and try to rig the nets up.
Having forgotten,
I’m restless,
I put on my clothes and take them off again.
Useless words keep multiplying in my mouth
as if I were smoking a pipe
and have to keep on spitting.
My eyes are always wet
but I have no clue why,
and I don’t even remember
that I wanted to remember You,
and it only occurs to me
to find You, to bring You out of hiding.
As if I were searching a mirror for light
I find myself.
Again and again I find myself already seeing.
O God, my friend,
remember me.
I am only the clothes on Your skin.
I am only Your morning prayer.